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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

Top 10 things to do with that unused, dusty dildo

So your sex toys are sitting unloved? Here are some alternative uses for them

Steph Mann

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 18:00:18 GMT | Updated 2 years today

1. Paperweight

 

All those damn bits of paper flying around! Simple solution here! Put your biggest unused dildo on them to keep them in one place. Never lose a bit of paper again.

 

2. Bookends

 

You love books right? You may have piles in the corners all over your house. Well, get sorting. Take some books, line them up neatly and place a dildo (in matching colours of course) at either end. Voila!

 

3. Doorstop

 

I get so fed up with people banging doors in my house. A couple of quick screws through the dildo into the wall, and the job's done. Your dildo will dong your door right back at ya!

 

4. Plunger

 

Blocked toilet? Easily fixed. Get your biggest old toy (a double ended one may work better here) and plunge it as deep and hard around your U-bend as it can handle, give it a wiggle and flush!

 

5. Dog chew toy

 

Is your dog bored?  What better way to use your old unloved toys? Dildos love a good nibble. When guests ask where you got it, just tap your nose and nod.

 

6. Objet d'art

 

Stick your old glass dildo on the fireplace. Next to your candles. Voila! Instantly transformed into a piece of modern art and a great talking point with guests.

 

7. Rolling pin

 

You are baking a cake. You are following a new recipe which calls for a rolling pin. Don't panic! Get your 9 inch friend (perfect size for the cake tin) and let it pound your dough for you! No need to buy a rolling pin.

 

8. Toilet roll holder

 

I hate rogue toilet rolls just sitting around the bathroom, don't you? Well, a great use for that old dusty dildo is a loo roll holder! They fit perfectly!

 

9. A ruler

 

You must have various sizes right? So you know its 6, 7, 8 inches etc. A couple of lines with a sharpie pen and you have an instant ruler. 

 

10.  You could wash it…

 

…and put it to some proper use.

 

Or chuck it and buy a new one (like the one in the picture)

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