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Full time mum, part-time lesbian?

She's so far out of the lesbian loop, she can't even see the loop but she's still gay, says our new parenting columnist

Steph Mann

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 13:03:11 GMT | Updated 4 years today

So what is gay parenting all about? I mean when most of your life is filled with driving to kids parties, school runs and cleaning up after the little darlings, how much is left as gay time? I pretty much dropped off the gaydar when I became pregnant. I mean you can't go clubbing or to pubs when pregnant. Well, thats not strictly true is it, but I didn't want to. I had horrific morning sickness and felt like a barge.

I had kind of forgotten that I was a lesbian and not "just" a mother. Being gay has taken a backseat for a few years. Now don't get me wrong, we have and do face issues as gay parents. Like silly questions about how we got pregnant and how we will ensure our own children wont turn out gay too, like it is a disease or "taught". But I mean I have been out of the active gay lifestyle for quite some time. Sure I read magazines, but I am so far out of the loop, I can't see the loop any more. This is not helped by the fact that we are the only queer family within a 30 mile radius (that we know of).

Straight mums don't worry about this. They have community all around them. They are "normal" after all and we live in a straight world. So we face the same issues as other mums, but I have lost all sense of community. Straight mums/parents also don't have the worry of their kids facing ridicule because they have lesbian mothers. Thankfully this hasn't happened yet to our children, but high school is still to come!

One way to stay connected to our community, is ironically through my kids. By teaching them acceptance and tolerance of all gender and sexuality, I hope that they will grow up seeing the world not as "straight" but as the rainbow we know it is. Our life is not abnormal, my kids see it as normal and so do their friends and their friends parents. No-one has said anything homophobic to our faces, despite us living in a very much hetero centered town.

I am now trying to juggle the lives of two small people, whilst finding my feet again in the world. Not just the adult world, but the queer world. After years of focusing on my family and seeing to them first, I want to get back out there. And what better way than to write what I know for my own community? There are masses of lesbian mothers out there and I want to give a huge shout out to each and everyone of you.  If your friends dropped like flies when you got pregnant I know how you feel. So it is time to reclaim a bit of our community as lesbian mothers. It is ours! I am one voice, so join with me and lets shout loudly "Queer parents rock".

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