So what is gay parenting all about? I mean when most of your
life is filled with driving to kids parties, school runs and
cleaning up after the little darlings, how much is left as gay
time? I pretty much dropped off the gaydar when I became pregnant.
I mean you can't go clubbing or to pubs when pregnant. Well, thats
not strictly true is it, but I didn't want to. I had horrific
morning sickness and felt like a barge.
I had kind of forgotten that I was a lesbian and not "just" a
mother. Being gay has taken a backseat for a few years. Now don't
get me wrong, we have and do face issues as gay parents. Like silly
questions about how we got pregnant and how we will ensure our own
children wont turn out gay too, like it is a disease or "taught".
But I mean I have been out of the active gay lifestyle for quite
some time. Sure I read magazines, but I am so far out of the loop,
I can't see the loop any more. This is not helped by the fact that
we are the only queer family within a 30 mile radius (that we know
of).
Straight mums don't worry about this. They have community all
around them. They are "normal" after all and we live in a straight
world. So we face the same issues as other mums, but I have lost
all sense of community. Straight mums/parents also don't have the
worry of their kids facing ridicule because they have lesbian
mothers. Thankfully this hasn't happened yet to our children, but
high school is still to come!
One way to stay connected to our community, is ironically through
my kids. By teaching them acceptance and tolerance of all gender
and sexuality, I hope that they will grow up seeing the world not
as "straight" but as the rainbow we know it is. Our life is not
abnormal, my kids see it as normal and so do their friends and
their friends parents. No-one has said anything homophobic to our
faces, despite us living in a very much hetero centered town.
I am now trying to juggle the lives of two small people, whilst
finding my feet again in the world. Not just the adult world, but
the queer world. After years of focusing on my family and seeing to
them first, I want to get back out there. And what better way than
to write what I know for my own community? There are masses of
lesbian mothers out there and I want to give a huge shout out to
each and everyone of you. If your friends dropped like flies
when you got pregnant I know how you feel. So it is time to reclaim
a bit of our community as lesbian mothers. It is ours! I am one
voice, so join with me and lets shout loudly "Queer parents
rock".
