We survived the three-year-old's birthday party and she had an
absolute ball. L and I were both full of emotions... how can our
baby be three already? Wine helped with all of this now dry January
is over and WE HAVE A KITCHEN! We were doing high fives and happy
dancing around our new open plan living space like a couple of
idiots with the kids just staring at us!
On the baby front we've had our counselling session about egg
donation. I pretty much expected it to be a waste of an hour of my
life where there would be eye rolling and WTF faces in abundance
and L thought it would be a "load of old tosh" but we were
completely surprised as there were some really important points to
discuss and plenty we hadn't even considered.
We found out that as part of the process they have to advise the
recipient that we are in a same-sex relationship in case they have
a problem with that and then don't want the eggs. It had never
crossed my mind that someone would turn down the eggs based on my
sexuality. Well screw you, person who could reject them... go
get your eggs elsewhere!
There was a lot of discussion about my feelings if any child
created from the eggs were to get in touch when they are older. To
me, all I'm offering is a cell. It's nothing more than that. I am
not their parent, or their family. Of course I wish them well, and
I will write this in my goodwill message to them, which all
donor-conceived children receive, but it's important to remember
that and, for me, I don't want to overcomplicate the situation by
getting too deep about it. L is worried it might affect me more in
the future and I might be concerned and emotional about the
recipient's children if they were to get in touch. But that's 18+
years down the line and I can't tell you how I will feel about
something a year from now, never mind almost 20 years!
I was also asked how my parents will feel about there being
half-grandchildren that they will never meet. I hadn't thought
about this one. I hadn't thought of them as half-grandchildren
because they are just an egg so to think of someone in a family
member context is quite difficult to get my head round. But my
parents are sensible and I'm sure they would see the donation for
what it is and not for anything bigger than a donation - certainly
not extending our family.
What concerned us most was the implications it can have on our
girls when they carry out genetic testing on me as it may reveal
something which could affect them. It made us consider whether it's
best to know about these things or if not knowing would be better.
We both agreed that we would rather know so that if there were any
red flags then maybe we can do something about it. Better the devil
you know for us.
You don't think about all of this when you're thinking, "Hey,
let's help someone out and give them some eggs" but it's really
important - thought provoking questions and pretty heavy stuff. My
head was spinning after it. We've both been over it again and got
everything clear in our minds so we can park it for a little while
as we have a wedding to plan. Only two weeks to go and my
spreadsheet is massive but I'm super, super excited with the
celebrations beginning next week when the Aussie family arrive -
When she's not busy firefighting, being
an awesome housewife, learning on the job as a mum to her two girls
or complaining about lack of sleep, Katy likes to go running, eat
lots of cake, drink more fizz than she probably should and dance
like nobody's watching. She says: "Writing my blogs is my relaxing
time and here's me hoping the more I write about our very normal
life people can relate to us as 'regular parents' and not just as
lesbians. I hope when I share them with my girls in the future, all
of the awkward situations I am faced with along this parenting
journey are no longer there for them to
Look out for Katy's next #FamilyFriday. Catch up with
her previous blogs at facebook.com/pg/whichoneismummy and whichoneismummy.wordpress.com.
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