DIVA can exclusively reveal breaking news about yesterday's Dyke
March in London. While the parade was a huge success, rumours have
begun to circulate about the activities of the infamous Dykes on
Bikes.
This morning DIVA editor Jane Czyselska awoke to urgent phone
calls from David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Dyke March organisers.
Whilst some details are still unconfirmed, we can tell you that
Jane (unfortunately still wearing her lilac satin pyjamas) is
currently negotiating with the 50 infuriated dykes on bikes who
last night stormed the Houses of Parliament.
The Dyke March saw women of all ages proudly walk the
mile-and-a-half route across central London. However, was this
apparently peaceful demonstration just a cloak for the true
intentions of the Dykes on Bikes?
Videos have surfaced of 12 of the Dykes on Bikes shouting "Pink
for Prime Minister" at the foot of Big Ben. The rebels' leader, a
dashing silver fox who is currently unnamed, then hijacked the
podium of a nearby Doctor Who-themed street entertainer, screaming
that she would exterminate homophobia. We will shortly upload some
of the many photos we have received from snap-happy passing
tourists.
Following these incidents, the group's actions are unknown.
However, it seems that as darkness settled across London last
night, the women used their motorbikes to charge the doors of the
government building, knocking them down. BBC News is currently
streaming photos of their battered Harleys, scooters and what
appears to be a vintage Sinclair C5 outside of the Central
Lobby.
The women are currently believed to be staging an occupation of
the House of Commons' green room, with what has yet to be
identified but is believed to be David Cameron's underpants strung
up as a makeshift flag.
Jane, one of few known allies between the dykes and the media,
is currently negotiating with the women, whose demands are thought
to include big white wedding dresses for anyone who wants one and
free kittens for all. Our thoughts are with Jane and we hope that
you too wish her luck in resolving this bizarre turn of events.
As this article goes live, Jane has sent us an urgent message.
It reads: "To my loyal DIVA readers. I have just assessed the
storming of the Houses of Parliament and can reveal that the news
is entirely fictitious. Happy 1 April."
