Dear Boris,
You cancelled Soho Pride, you didn't march with us at London
Pride last year like Ken has done and now you seem to have
left us out of your manifesto. If you're not careful I might start
getting the impression you don't like us very much Boris. Perhaps I
am being too sensitive though as you also failed to include
anything about childcare or faith communities but let's just say,
it's Tuesday, and I'm in a sensitive state of mind.
After you pledged at Stonewall's mayoral hustings on 14 April that
you would publish an LGBT manifesto we got all excited you see and
the election is 2 days away now and it STILL HASN'T ARRIVED. We've
been promised a document which will "amaze", which we should
"devour" and I haven't eaten all weekend in anticipation for it and
am starting to become ravenous. With figures showing violent
homophobic hate crimes on the increase in London in 2012, would it
not be prudent to address this problem within your 28-page crime
manifesto? I guess you think not. It's really great that you
believe people are becoming more confident in policing and
therefore are reporting more homophobia driven crimes, hence the
rise in figures, that's really great that you've acknowledged our
judicial system was sh*t and is now a little less sh*t but how
about now actually trying to tackle this problem at the source and
use these all important figures to take some action?
In response to the government cuts towards HIV services you said
you're going to make Annie Lennox an ambassador for HIV/AIDS in
London, REALLY!? ARE YOU! That's really fantastic, do you think
that if you make Madonna the ambassador for gay marriage we'll just
all don fake eyelashes, feather boas and have a party in the street
and forget you compared it to bestiality as well? We might be gay
but we can tell the difference between wishy, washy vote winners
and actual changes Bozza. Your reasoning behind why The Greater
London Authority was withdrawn from Stonewall's Employer Index was
weak at best, you claim it was because it was costing £2000 per
annum (an amount you could probably find down the back of your
sofa, considering you have frequently made it clear how much better
off you are than everyone else) even though it turned out it's
actually free to enter the index. Awkward.
You excuse your failure to address the approximately 350,000 gay
voters of London in your manifesto by saying you want to unite
London and not divide it but London is not just one big clump of
grey mass, it is vibrant and cosmopolitan, colourful and different,
a huge unwieldy monster of a city with wants and needs that vary
across a vast spectrum, which is why it is so great, please don't
be so complacent with us. You say a lot of silly and often
offensive things don't you? Like "piccaninnies" and "£250,000...is
chicken feed" and probably "I just larve foi graaas" (something
very posh people say) and so many times people will react with "oh
that's just Boris!", funny old Boris, ha ha ha, but this isn't
"Just Boris" this time, it's our lives, loves and our homes and we
deserve to be acknowledged.
Yours foppishly,
Laura
p.s Thanks for stopping the bus thing, hope you don't get into too
much trouble for that.
Laura Muldoon
Freelance writer | Blogger | Comedienne | @mothersouperior
