Dramatic scenes unfolded in local cinemas yesterday as audiences
were treated to an upbeat film featuring predominantly lesbian
characters. Not one character committed suicide, died via accident
or murder or was abused in any way in the feature-length motion
picture, one audience member told our stunned reporter.
Nor were any of the female characters, whose ages ranged from
teens to late 70s, subjected to unpleasant sexual attention by
one-dimensional heterosexual male stereotypes.
"I'm so used to seeing films featuring harrowing coming-out
stories in which at least one miserable young lesbian quotes
Shakespeare before throwing herself from a roof of a gothic
church," said a visibly shocked Jules Smith, who saw the film with
her partner, Jules. "But as far as I can tell, no women were harmed
in the making of this film. I was braced for the inevitable rape
scene or for one of the characters to be horribly rejected by their
parents," she went on. "But about an hour in I realized it wasn't
going to happen. I turned to Jules to see if she had realized what
was going on, and she was laughing at something cute one of the
characters had done. It's unprecedented."
Lesbian movie buff Rachel McDoodie was similarly left
dumbfounded by the 12A classified film. Indeed, our reporter found
Ms McDoodie wandering aimlessly around the foyer following the
screening, a glazed, confused look in her beautiful blue eyes.
"Of course I've seen one or even two lesbian films before which
have had happy enough endings," McDoodie said shortly afterwards,
sipping a whiskey sour in a nearby bar. "But in every lesbian film
I've ever seen, there have been characters who suffer, often
horribly. Maybe they have an awful coming-out experience and
attempt suicide a few times. Maybe they fall for a straight woman
who comes from an unfeasibly strict religious background and spend
most of the film pining hopelessly for her. Or maybe, try as they
might, they just can't seem to find the right woman," she added,
tossing her amazing hair around a bit and maintaining, our reporter
can affirm, some quite intense eye contact, really.
The groundbreakingly cheerful lesbian film, set in modern times,
also featured not a single bonnet.