FILM: Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement(Reviewed by Gina Baksa)
“We’ve been dancing for 42 years…”
Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer’s very long engagement began back in 1965, at Greenwich Village restaurant Portofino… “where all the lesbians went for dinner.” They spent the whole night dancing – and Edie wore a hole in her stockings.
It was two years before they met again – in the Hamptons – and this time they didn’t say goodnight at the end of the evening.
Directors/producers Gréta Ólafsdóttir and Susan Muska – with support from the Sundance Channel – have crafted a truly poignant and inspiring film about love, engagement and commitment. Gentle and unobtrusive, Edie and Thea’s story is told via their own conversations, against a photographic slide show from infancy, to the day they met – and their marriage in 2007. Two soul mates that fell in love and danced with each other through four decades of work, life, loss and love – and plenty of great sex, apparently!
Lesbian life in Sixties New York was one lived firmly in the closet; meeting other women was often a clandestine affair in rough, Mafia-operated bars where police raids were common. It wasn’t until the Stonewall riots stormed along Christopher Street in 1969, and into the public consciousness, that the gay rights movement was born.
In addition to societal pressures, both Edie and Thea had families that were less than supportive of their choice to be together. Yet despite many obstacles, the couple made an enduring success of their relationship. Thea worked from home as a clinical psychologist, while Edie was a computer systems analyst at IBM. Both women were also committed to gay rights and regularly participated in protest marches.
Even after Thea was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in her mid-forties and soon confined to a wheelchair, they made their partnership work. It’s the unspoken words that are the most moving. A touch, a look, a smile. A celebratory scene where the couple take the floor at the ESPA Hampton’s Tea Dance says everything about their relationship. As Edie says: “I didn’t want a life without love”.
Acknowledging that time was not on their side, they decided to get married in Toronto in 2007 – by Canada’s first openly gay judge, Harvey Brownstone. Canada offers civil marriage to same sex couples without residency requirements. The wedding service footage brought me to tears.
As Edie proclaims: “Marriage represents the ultimate expression of love and commitment between two people. Everyone understands that!”
And the secret of their successful relationship? Clearly an enduring physical attraction, and a profound love and respect for each other. “If I look at Edie now, she looks exactly the same to me,” says Thea.
This movie will touch your heart, whatever your gender or sexuality. Thank you Edie, Thea, Greta and Susan for making such a beautiful film. A love story that has helped me to understand the real meaning of engagement. And how richly rewarding and magical life can be when we open our hearts to fully give and receive love. As Edie so rightly says: “Don’t postpone joy.”
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The Directors – Susan Muska and Gréta Ólafsdóttir
“We want to make films which tell the truth about human nature, and the human condition,” Greta and Susan tell me over coffee at the London LGBT Festival, where Edie & Thea: A Long Engagement has just been screened – to a rapturous reception. The film-making couple first attracted public attention after the release of their 1998 Brandon Teena documentary, which was made into the gut-wrenching Boys Don’t Cry with Hilary Swank.
Funding is notoriously difficult for documentary filmmakers, so how did they finance Edie & Thea? “We were so lucky,” says Susan. The Sundance Channel approached us after seeing the trailer and offered to co-produce. We couldn’t have finished it without them.”
Since its premiere at last year’s Frameline film festival, the movie continues to appear – and win awards – at festivals across the world.
After spending so much time with Edie and Thea, how did this affect their own relationship?
“Thanks to these remarkable women, we had a chance to see what commitment and engagement really means. And how important these are to a fulfilling and rich life. Their engagement wasn’t just symbolic, they were very engaged in each other, in life, in their work and in their community. We became very close. It was such a privilege to become a part of their world.”
Gina Baksa is a qualified and experienced motivational life coach. Find out more
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