Until Manchester-based Jane Oulton spent four years caring for her ageing father, she’d never seriously thought about her own old age – least of all about where she might live during her twilight years.

But it was the constant battles that she faced trying to secure good quality home care for her father – and later, when he became very frail, a good nursing home – which prompted her to think about her own future.

‘Public provision was so rubbish,’ she says. ‘And that was for an ordinary, conventional straight bloke! It did get me thinking about what it was going to be like for me, as a lesbian – I couldn’t imagine trying to get good home care that’s not homophobic, or a nursing home that understands my life as a lesbian, on top of everything else.’



Jane isn’t the only lesbian who hadn’t given much thought to her future dwelling place. In a study published by Nottingham Trent University in 2003, only 30% of lesbians aged over 50 had made plans for future living arrangements – and, hazarding a guess, figures for younger lesbians would probably prove even lower.

And yet many gay women are worried, according to the same survey, that our sexual identities and relationships wouldn’t be respected if we had to go into special housing; that people who run such schemes are unable to cater to our specific needs because they operate from heterosexual assumptions. If a care manager presumes their clients are straight, or doesn’t understand their needs as lesbians, the implications are disturbing – from the loneliness and invalidation of being invisible, to the indignity and frustration of being given no private time with visiting partners. Of the lesbians who responded in the survey, 78% see care or residential homes as an undesirable option.

It seems that many of us envisage the nightmare scenario of ending our days in a pokey, depressing old age home, surrounded by strangers, all sitting around watching Corrie and waiting to die – in a place where we couldn’t openly flick through our copy of DIVA, watch our favourite lesbian film, or be affectionate with our partner for fear of recriminations from other residents or staff.

Is there foundation for these concerns? Lindsay River of Polari – an organisation that lobbies for better services for older lesbians – paints a larger picture. She points out that only 5% of elderly Britons, gay or straight, end up in a residential home, and current Government policy tries to support people in staying in their own homes as they age.
It’s difficult to assess how effectively the housing sector is catering for older lesbians’ needs. Much evidence is anecdotal; and the research that exists tends to have small sample bases – and it’s very difficult to find older lesbians to interview, because many of the current generation have lived closeted lives for years and remain invisible within the housing and care sectors.

‘Some older lesbians have reported being happy in sheltered housing,’ says River. ‘Others have said this is because they aren’t out to neighbours, and wouldn’t like to be, for reasons of safety. Some lesbians are happy with the care support they have when they stay in their own homes, but some have trouble in finding people to provide that service who aren’t homophobic.

‘We have anecdotal information about lesbians being unhappy in care homes – but then, many people are. There was documentation of very bad (homophobic) practice in a local authority care home 17 years ago,’ says River.

This case involved two women in a romantic friendship who were harassed by staff, denied the right to share a room, and kept apart at every opportunity, even when one of them was dying. The local authority had no equal opportunities policies, or any procedures to report anything but physical abuse.

‘We don’t know how much this has changed. The trouble is that there are some gay-friendly homes, but it’s not necessarily easy to find them. We need more information about which accommodation is likely to be more gay-friendly.’

Sue Davis is a lesbian who works as training and development manager for Accord Housing, a housing association in West Bromwich. She’s worked in the sector since 1978, and she maintains that care homes are ‘a million times better than they were then – on all levels. They’re less institutionalised, the care is of far better quality, and people are treated with far more dignity and respect, in general’ – so your chances of getting gay-sensitive treatment at the hands of modern-day care managers are much better.

However, surveys show that some care managers, no matter how good their intentions may be, just don’t understand the needs of lesbians. Says River: ‘There’s a lack of understanding among providers of services for older people on the issues of sexuality and the lifestyles of lesbians. This partly reflects the rejection of sexuality in older people generally.’

This claim is echoed by Sally Knocker, a freelance dementia care trainer and writer, who has penned a publication called The Whole of Me for Age Concern England. ‘When I was researching care homes and extra-care housing, I was struck by how few services seemed to think that meeting the needs of older lesbians, gay men and bisexuals was an issue of any importance. Somehow lesbian and gay people just cease to exist in these environments – the common view is “We don’t have any gay people living here”.’

But as Knocker points out, even conservative estimates would suggest that one in 15 service users is likely to be lesbian, gay or bisexual. ‘It’s alarming how they seem to disappear once they enter into a care setting.’

There is, claims River, also a lack of awareness of the potential of older lesbians and gay men as a market. Google gay retirement homes in the US, and you’ll find a plethora of rainbow-coloured sites offering everything from wimmin’s (sic) communities based on Native American Indian mores, to self-contained lesbian villages complete with golf courses and spa treatments. There’s money to be made in the ageing pink dollar – but in the UK, it seems, entrepreneurs with an eye on a share of the queer ageing market are thin on the ground. This is surprising, given the inevitable future demands of a rapidly ageing population of lesbian baby-boomers who’ve lived out and proud lives for a number of years, and aren’t prepared to swallow the bitter pill of internalised homophobia and stay quiet about their rights.

Private sector aside, even public providers are going to have to shape up. Amendments to the Equality Act, due to come into force by the end of the year, will make it illegal for any providers of goods and services in the UK to discriminate on the basis of sexuality. This’ll include anyone who provides any kind of housing services – care homes, sheltered housing or home care.

River applauds the legislative change. ‘We think it’s fantastically important. Discrimination, both direct and indirect, exists in the field at the moment. Services will have to consider whether they’re discriminating against LGBT people.’
It remains to be seen how fast they’ll be off the mark, she reflects. But, as Sue Davis points out, prosecution of care managers for failing to provide for the needs of lesbians will be a possibility. ‘Housing associations and local authorities have been told they need to get their act together to make sure the needs of older lesbians and gay men are met,’ she reveals.

What we need to see now, argues River, is training. ‘At present, it’s inadequate, patchy. Staff who work at care homes and in sheltered and extra-care housing need far more training than is currently provided on ageism and sexuality, and on sexual orientation.’

Sarah Holmes-Smith is director of older people and mental health services at Heritage Care, a not-for-profit care and support organisation. She thinks it’s only a matter of time before specialist services are provided by housing and care providers. She reveals that Heritage Care is ‘currently in conversation with a housing development company who are interested in partnering us to build an extra care facility in Sussex. It won’t be exclusive to LGBT people, but it will be gay-friendly.’ This project, she says, will be up and running within the next few years.

Accord, says Sue Davis, is considering setting up an LGBT unit within an existing mainstream residential unit. There isn’t enough of a gay population within the area, she says, to warrant developing a gay-only scheme. But there would be issues – ‘Other service users may well be horrible to out gay people. Older people tend to be a lot less accepting than younger people.’

It seems, though, that we don’t necessarily want gay-only housing schemes, or those run by gay service providers, as the Nottingham Trent University research shows. In fact, it seems what we want is as infinitely complex and varied as our communities are – and those working to meet older lesbians’ housing needs inevitably encounter this.

Jane Oulton is well aware of this. She’s now 61 and, having had the wake-up call with her father, is in the process of setting up a women’s co-housing group called The Lifetime Community Project (as yet no website) based in the north-west. It’s open to all, regardless of financial circumstance or sexuality – although most current members are lesbian. The women will pool together their financial resources, buy a site that’ll accommodate them all, and jointly pay for health care, gardeners, cleaners, shoppers and so on.

It’s been a challenging process, Oulton admits. Working out the finer legal and financial details so that the group can create a framework to suit all is only part of the task. Getting a bank prepared to lend money for such an unusual scheme is difficult, and defining the group’s parameters can be an arduous mission. Typically, the group’s negotiation process is lengthy, bringing to mind early feminist collective decision-making meetings.

The bonuses are that the women are able to define their own community, live co-operatively, but have their own space – and they’ll have a large degree of autonomy.

Oulton laughs, ‘It’s not for everyone, I’ll admit, but for me it’s an exciting alternative to being dependent on public provision. My message is this: bricks and mortar are only the means to what we want in older age, which is a sense of belonging to a community and being supported by like-minded people.’


Where can you live in old age? Your options at a glance:

- Stay in your own home or rented accommodation. Most people do this, and some recruit home help. But some need to move because their current dwellings are inaccessible, isolated, unsafe or difficult to move around in.

- Sheltered housing provided by housing associations, local councils or commercial organisations. Depending on your area, there may be some degree of support for the tenants; eg, a resident or visiting warden.

- Extra-care housing, provided by housing associations, local councils or commercial organisations. Care is usually available to tenants 24/7. For people with high support needs.

- Care or residential home. For people with very high support needs.

- Set up a co-housing scheme.

Useful websites:

www.cohousing.co.uk
www.casweb.org/polari
www.ageconcern.org.uk
www.owch.org.uk