Laurel Holloman, 35, Aka Tina Kennard

Bette and Tina have had their problems deciding on when to try for a baby. What’s your advice to couples thinking about starting a family?

It’s really important that the partnership is strong, that communication is solid and that you know you’re both really ready. Having a baby doesn’t glue it together, as Bette and Tina hoped; it can do the opposite, because it’s such hard work. And they hadn’t dealt with their issues, like infidelity, power imbalance and identity – on Tina’s part. When they had the baby they got back together for the wrong reasons. Of course, you want that drama on TV, but not in real life.

In series one, Bette’s father objects to her and Tina trying for a baby. How do you deal with family members who reject you for not having a baby in the ‘natural’ way?

I’m very lucky – my parents have always been very supportive of my choices. It’s hard, though, to live your truth, but I’d say that’s the best way. The people who love you – if they love you enough – will come around in the end. The longer you stay true to yourself, the longer they’re going to be there for you. It’s their loss if they don’t come around – you shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else. You should be able to be your most vulnerable with your family.



When wannabe mums Bette and Tina talk about baby-making issues, their pals tease them about getting boring. Any tips on how to keep the baby/ mate balance in check?

It’s really important to keep a balance and not to lose your identity. Realise that you’re more than just a mother. When I’m with friends who don’t have children I try not to talk about my child the whole time – it could get boring for them. If my friends ask questions about my daughter, Lola, that’s great but it’s important to find out about what’s going on in your friends’ lives, too. You weren’t always a parent, after all, so have a good time. People who’ve had some kind of experience of sharing a child will understand – but if your friends are saying you’re boring in a mean way, they’re probably not great friends.

When Bette lost her job and Tina became the main breadwinner, their relationship was tested. How do you negotiate a change in power dynamics?

It’s criminal to say that the breadwinner’s the most important person in the relationship; it’s as hard to raise a child as it is to do paid work. You have to know your roles and be happy in them. If both people want to work, you have to find good childcare and juggle. It’s bullshit that you get to make all the decisions in a relationship if you make the money. That’s a horrible way to be. In a partnership, you make choices together about who’s gonna do what. I’ve learned a lot from Bette and Tina because I thought they behaved really awfully to each other. They were struggling and it shed light on some of the places we go in long-term partnerships. It’s all about balance and sorting out issues which may cause resentments down the line. That’s exactly what Tina and Bette haven’t been able to do – yet.

What do you do when you discover your partner’s having an affair – like Tina does when she finds out about Bette and Candace?

You have to confront and then walk away. Not for good, necessarily, but to give you both time to figure things out. If someone’s cheated they must need some space, so give it to them and have sex with someone else, ’cos you’re free at that point. Then you have to decide if you want to become friends again and really work on it. Betrayals are a dysfunction of an unhealthy partnership. Tina was part of it – she wasn’t owning her own stuff. It takes two to work on a relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, pull back. That’s what I’d do.

Jane Lynch plays Tina’s lawyer, and comes on to her. What advice would you give to someone who’s propositioned by someone they work with?

Don’t screw the crew. I don’t respect people who use their power to get sex; it can be dangerous. Anyways, it’s sexual harassment.

Bette discovers Tina having online sex. What if your partner’s into that?

I had a real problem with Ilene (Chaiken, creator and executive producer) doing that with Tina. I didn’t see her doing something like that, but it was a dark side of Tina that seemed like a good thing to explore. I wouldn’t do it – I see it as a betrayal – so if my partner was doing that, I’d confront again.

Bette reunites with Tina in the third series. Is that a good idea?

Oh yes, it’s always nice if you’re both still in love and especially if there are children involved. They broke up because they treated each other so badly, not because they weren’t meant to be – and fundamentally, they’re still meant to be at this point. Me, personally, I don’t think I’d stay in a relationship with that much drama, though.

Tina questions her lesbianism when she has sex with a couple of guys in series three – how do you stop yourself from going crazy thinking about your fluid sexuality?

Stay within your truth. If you’re equally attracted to men and women you shouldn’t hide it and people shouldn’t judge you. I’ve had a lot of lesbian friends who are with men now. I love them because I’m their friend, not because of who they sleep with. Some of them have been hurt by other lesbian friends who found it hard to accept them as bisexual.



Leisha Hailey, 35, aka Alice Pieszecki

At the start of Series One, Alice decides to start going out with an ex. Good idea or not?

You’ve probably visited all the problems that made you break up, so why go back and do the same thing again? It works sometimes but it depends how deeply you’re in love and why you broke up. If it’s over, it’s probably over for a good reason. I’m not best friends with all my ex girlfriends.

In series two, Alice falls in love with Dana. What do you do when you fall in love with your best friend?

Yeah, sometimes the edges can get kind of blurry. It can be a really beautiful thing: no-one knows you better than your best friend, but if you break up, where do you go from there? You have to have a strong foundation with your friendship so that if it doesn’t work, you’re going to be ok through it. It’s not easy – I’ve experienced it, and it can take years [to sort out]. There are still things that come up. It’s called ‘falling in love’ for a reason. You’re falling and aren’t in control when you’re in love with someone. It’s not something you can plan out – I always remember that. I believe in risking pretty much everything for love because that’s why we’re here. It’s a beautiful thing.

Dana and Alice hide their affair from their friends because Dana is engaged to be married to Tonya. How do you cope when you fall in love with someone who’s emotionally unavailable?

I’m not big on affairs and I don’t think what Dana did was right. It’s always good to be honest with your partner, and allow them the choice of whether they want to stay with you if you’re having feelings for someone else. But I think Dana was emotionally unavailable with both Tonya and Alice. So, lesson number one: go for single people – you’ll have a much easier time; people deserve more respect than what Dana did with Alice.

What if someone is single but emotionally unavailable?

That would be my worst nightmare. When someone isn’t prepared to give you the time of day when you’re giving so much to them. I never understand why people stay in relationships too long when they’re not getting anything out of them. Respect yourself and know you deserve to be treated like a queen. It’s more about what you think people are worth. When someone’s too selfish and wrapped up in their own lives, on an emotional level, if they’re withdrawing and not opening themselves up, it can be mean after a while. You’re looking at a narcissist, someone who values themselves more than they value you.

Alice’s infamous six degrees of separation chart – how do you cope when your entire group of friends is shagging each other?

That can be difficult – especially the break-ups. When you’re really close to the couples and you have to play Switzerland and try to stay neutral, it can be really difficult not to get caught up in their bullshit. The biggest casualty of any break-up is always friendship. Someone gets mad at you for siding with someone else.

Alice and Dana get fresh with their sex toys and cream. When’s the right time to whip out the strap-on?

You have to make sure that your lover’s comfortable with what you want to do – sex can be incredible when two people are really open to lots of ideas. I’m all for communication and if people are embarrassed about articulating what they want, they need to learn to trust each other.

Alice went a little nuts when she got dumped by Dana. Any tips on how you get over being dumped?

That was terrible. Dana dumped her with no explanation. It’s those unanswered questions, when you’re left with those and you’re on your own to heal the wounds. I’d say therapy; it helped me. Any old shrink or your friends. You also have to know you’re going to move on, and that time heals. Sometimes, shitty things just happen to you, not because of anything you did – like being cheated on. I don’t think everything happens for a reason.

Alice falls for a vampire in series three. What advice would you give someone who falls for a bloodsucking lesbian?

Go for it and love it. I’m into experimenting. Life’s for living and who needs all those pints of blood, anyway?! I’m all about the underground and the freaks. I love being part of a subculture.

Alice goes to a bisexual love addicts’ support group. How do you recommend that readers with love addiction deal with that?

That feeling you get when you’re first in love is incredible and it’s such a high. I’ve been there a little bit and I’m learning right now – but supposedly the love gets stronger and deeper.
You can’t always depend on feeling that quick rush – you should give relationships a chance to go somewhere else. I catch my parents in the kitchen kissing and it’s so romantic and beautiful. I really want to know what that feels like. If you really, really crave being in love, I think it might be that you feel that someone else might complete you. You have to learn how to be a whole person on your own, and that someone else just adds to you – it’s not that they’re finishing the circle. It’s another version of co-dependency when you feel that you have to fix what’s wrong with them and your mood is totally influenced by them.


Katherine Moennig, 30 aka Shane McCutcheon

In the first series Shane has an affair with Cherie, the married film producer. What advice would you give to someone who falls for a straight chick?

I hope they’re not married, but you really can’t help who you fall in love with, so it’s all fair game. If you can, don’t do it, but life has a really funny way of working itself out sometimes.



In series one, Tammy Lynn Michaels’ character, Lacey, stalks Shane. Any tips on the best way to ditch stalkers?

Change your phone number and block their calls.

Shane’s infamous for her one-night stands. What advice do you have for wannabe lesbian players?

You’re asking the wrong person. I don’t know.

C’mon, any advice from what you’ve seen your friends do?

Erm, the one-night stand thing doesn’t sound like fun to me so I don’t want to embellish on that.

Shane says no to several admirers. How does a gay girl-about-town politely bat off the mingers?

‘Thank you, you’re very sweet but not right now’.

‘You’re not my type’?

No, that’s a little harsh. Always putting it on you is much better than putting it on them.

Cherie breaks Shane’s heart in series one when – quelle surprise – she decides to stay with her husband. Any tips on dealing with unrequited love?

Anger always works. Keeping in mind the things that weren’t perfect and not being idealistic helps.

When Jenny and Carmen get it on in series two, Shane tries to keep cool. How do you cope when a friend cops off with the girl you fancy?

I don’t know. I don’t play into the triangle game. I would just walk away.

When Cherie comes looking for Shane after she’s ditched her bloke, Shane is now shacked up with Carmen. Shane gives Cherie a go – what would you do if a former love rocked up saying ‘I made a mistake’?

I’d just say ‘Sorry, you’ve had your chance’.

What’s the secret to a successful monogamous relationship?

Trust.

Carmen and Shane get tattoos to prove their love for each other. Dumb or not?

Kiss of death. I would never do it. Bonding rituals are cool – anything but a tattoo.

Carmen says she cheats on Shane. How would you respond to something like that?

You have to have some strong will, but pack your bags and leave. You can talk about it and of course it depends on the situation, but I would leave.

Carmen’s family reject her and Shane in series three when Carmen comes out. What’s a gay girl to do?

You have to be yourself. If you are, hopefully your loved ones will come around, but you should never hold yourself back.


Mia Kirshner, 26, aka Jenny Schecter

What do you do if your lover decides to transition from female to male?

If you’re in a serious relationship, its good to join a support group because testosterone has psychological side effects, and you need to be with other people who understand what they might be and how to cope with it. It will probably change the dynamic of your relationship – does it make you a lesbian or a straight woman?



Jenny falls for Marina. What advice would you give to someone who’s straight and who is going for a woman for the very first time?

The same advice I’d give to a woman who was falling in love with a man – go slowly, enjoy it and don’t be afraid. Be honest with yourself and those around you. It’s different because of what conservative people think about gay as opposed to straight relationships, but in another way it’s not different at all, at the end of the day.

What about having a relationship if you’re unsure about your identity as a lesbian? How do you look after yourself and the other people as well?

Don’t commit too quickly. It’s important to take things slowly and be honest with those around you. Some people rush into a relationship to feel safe. Try to be friends first and see how you really feel about that person, even though that usually never happens.

When Jenny has to support Max financially it puts a strain on their relationship – any tips?

It’s better if people have their own money, lives and jobs, and they don’t take from the other person.