If love is the question, what is the answer? …I got that wrong, didn’t I?

A passing lady will sell you lucky heather, but the greenfly will negate its powers.

As Thursday’s child you’re full of grace. No, I don’t care that you were born on a Monday.

You’re a bit dull, Gemini. A bit ordinary. Ever considered changing your name? ‘Cellophane’ has a nice ring to it…

I see a stranger in my crystal ball. He’s tall and dark and handsome and he’s standing behind you and- Oh my God he’s got an axe.

In the upcoming week, it is highly likely that you will stage a coup and become the next leader of the Labour party.

I may/may not have a strong/slight feeling that something interesting/nothing at all will happen/not happen this week regarding love/money/relationships/work/life-the-universe-and-everything. (This prediction is both astonishingly accurate and 100% guaranteed to come true).

When choosing your food on an aeroplane, remember the words of the prolific Shakespeare, who wrote “Fillet of a fenny snake/In the cauldron boil and bake”.

Don’t worry about your relationship with your father. Jesus was 33 before he even met his dad, and look how well he turned out!

I’ve seen into the future and I have bad news – the shell suit is coming back.

Seriously, come down and visit any time you feel like it. You have lovely curves and my pet lions are hungry.

Um, yeah… Are you absolutely sure you want a lime green wedding dress?