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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

DIVA Horoscopes

Aries (21 Mar-19 Apr)

Christmas upon you all too soon, Aries? It seems to feel like you've only just put the decs away and you're already wrestling the tinsel from your cat and stressing about whether to serve turkey or beef at dinner once again. If this lapse in time has anything to show you, it's that time is absolutely flying by and if you feel that you've done nothing with your year, why not try to make the most of the next? Don't wish your life away though, you still have Christmas Day and New Years to get through yet, and, from experience, we all know what a bundle of laughs that can be. So enjoy, serve turkey and bloody beef if you have to, and don't tell your cat off too much for the tinsel. It's glittery and it rustles, so honestly, what do you expect?

 

 

 

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Taurus (20 Apr-20 May)

Anyone who has experienced Christmas With The Family will know that the day, the much anticipated Christmas Day, rarely goes without a hitch, Taurus. If the roasties aren't burnt, then Great Uncle Derek has fallen asleep and spilt his sherry on the carpet. If you haven't had to feign surprise and joy at an unwanted present, then a long-held grudge will rear its ugly head and explode forth across the dining room table. But, instead of stressing and worrying about what can go wrong, just enjoy the day. It's these little gems that make Christmas, Christmas. In another years time you'll look back and laugh at all the crap - and if you're honest, that Super Long Vanilla Scented Screwdriver came in quite handy, didn't it?

 

 

 

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Gemini (21 May-21 Jun)

Apparently, Christmas is 'all about giving' Gemini. As much as I agree with that statement, you know you can't wait to get your grubby little mits on that rather large pressie under the tree. You know that you can't wait to rip the paper away and see what lies beneath for you, and curious, exploring fingers have already made light work of guessing what's underneath. Most of us say that we don't give to receive, and Christmas isn't a time to be selfish... just make sure that you do justice to your loved ones and break the bank for once in your life. Sure, you might be eating beans from a tin for the next few weeks, but it'll be worth it to hear your niece exclaim that that present is EXACTLY what she wanted and it's EVEN in the right colour and you're the BEST Aunty EVER... A selfless act? What's that?

 

 

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Cancer (22 Jun-22 Jul)

Ok Scrooge, that's enough moaning. I'm afraid that Christmas is here Cancer, and no matter how much you grumble about Christmas songs in every shop, or the gaudy decorations in every town centre, or the intrusive experience of standing nose to shoulder with another shopper as you grapple for some brandy snaps - it is not going anywhere. So I'm afraid, my non-festive friend, that you're just going to have to deal with it. Or, alternatively, you could take the bull by the horns and follow in Ebeneezer's footsteps... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. You wouldn't go as far as sporting the staple reindeer horns or Santa hat, but what's wrong with dipping your hand in the Celebrations or heating up some mulled wine? C'mon, get in the spirit, you'll only be missing out otherwise!

 

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Leo (23 Jul-22 Aug)

Food, glorious food! You can't get enough can you Leo? Everyone gets a little winter podge and there's no shame in sporting your tummy with pride. Instead of blaming your wobbly bits on the thickness of your woolly jumper, shout from the rooftops about your squidgy bits (whilst ramming a handful of salted cashews into your mouth). There's no shame to be felt when a spread begins in your middle, everyone overdoes it at Christmas. It's hard not to when there are countless sweets and savouries everywhere you look - crisps, dips, chocolates, biscuits, cheese & crackers, brandy snaps, cake, Christmas dinner... Induce yourself into a sugar coma and indulge in the extra warmth your extra weight is offering. Now someone pass me the After Eights...

 

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Virgo (23 Aug-22 Sep)

It's that time of year again I'm afraid, Virgo. The cold draws in, the days are shorter and the nights are darker but instead of moping about in your threadbare dressing gown, why don't you get out there and enjoy the festivities? Christmas is a time for frivolity, allegedly, so I think you should break out the flashing Christmas glasses and don your reindeer suit don't you? Sure, it's tempting to stay in and watch Netflix with a hot cocoa, but whilst you're cosying on up with your sofa, your friends are having fun. Don't let the winter stop you from doing things, Christmas will be upon you before you know it and the January will be here. Don't start your January-blues early, December is no time to be down. So wrap up warm and venture into the cold - you might have a Rudolph-red nose by the end of the night but I'm sure it's nothing a Bailey's can't cure!

 

 

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Libra (23 Sep-23 Oct)

Worrying about those New Years resolutions already, Libra? Not to put a dampener on things, but many of us don't stick to those and come the middle of January the gym membership has been cancelled and the cupboards have been stocked with half-price Christmas choccies. It's all very well to state that 2015 is going to be the year that you'll stop drinking/give up smoking/take up yoga/live in a self-sufficient hippy commune for 6 months... but realistically, are these things going to happen? Probably not. But good for you if you have the willpower to continue with yours - but don't go worrying about it now! Christmas day will come and go, and you'll find that you'll down 6 whiskeys, scoff an inordinate amount of Pringles and be tempted by that 5th (or is it 8th) fag offered to you - relax and let go!

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Scorpio (24 Oct-21 Nov)

Going cold turkey will only make it worse when Christmas day hits, Scorpio. So you haven't had an alcoholic drink for two weeks - well done! But that's not going to help you when you're plied with champagne, wine, beer, cider, wine and brandy on Christmas day. Unfortunately for you, this influx of alcohol will be a massive assault on your liver. So I suggest you have the odd festive tipple in the lead up to the Big Day, otherwise you'll be asleep, nursing a headache, before the 5 o'clock re-run of The Wizard of Oz has even begun. And trust me - it'll be a scary experience for you waking up half pissed, half hungover to a bunch of munchkins singing about a yellow brick road. Crack open the mulled wine and allow yourself a little intoxication, call it a warm-up if you must!

 

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Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec)

Christmas can be a stressful time, Sagittarius, we all know this. But the hoards of people in the high-streets, practically wrestling for the best bargains, seem to be getting right on your wick this year. With the popularity of online shops on the increase you'd have thought that people would be filling their stockings from the comfort of their own homes, but, sadly not. The realisation that you could have brought these socks for your Grandad or perfume for your bestie from your bed (PJs optional) only dawns on you when your head is shoved against another sweaty armpit, but it's too late. So go forth and thrust yourself eagerly into the mile long queue and resist the urge to impulse buy the strategically placed lip glosses or bubble wrap. You'll be home with a cuppa before you know it.

 

 

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Capricorn (22 Dec-19 Jan)

It goes without saying, Capricorn, that Christmas is expensive. Probably the most expensive time of year. You have to buy for your family, your friends, your loved one - and if you have a loved one, at the risk of being shunned by the in laws, you will buy for their family too - your pet, the cheap tat you buy for your Secret Santa at work... it's just an endless stream of buying and spending and splurging. And I'm afraid there's no escaping it. At the risk of seeming like a heartless bastard, you're going to have to open that wallet of yours and blow away the cobwebs, saving for a rainy day? Forget it. Be sneaky though, find those deals and offers, bulk buy if you have to. Everyone's finances are hard and as long as you don't get involved in a violent Black Friday-type tussle over the last cashmere jumper, you'll be fine. Better get saving in January for next Christmas though...

 

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Aquarius (20 Jan-18 Feb)

It's dawned upon you, Aquarius. No, not Christmas, but the much anticipated and talked about work Christmas party. You may be reliable and well behaved in the office, but your colleagues aren't aware of the animal that's about to be unleashed. After a few Jagerbombs your morals go out the window and any type of decorum you once had seems to be forgotten - but, there are a few codes of conduct that you need to live by to survive the party and to ensure that you still have your job come Monday morning. Do not get too drunk - easier said than done when there's a free bar, but you can try! Do not kiss/pole dance on/throw up on your boss... or any of you colleagues for that matter. Do not drunkenly cry into the poor interns arms, you've only spoken to her once before and that was just to say yes to having milk in your coffee - I'm sure she doesn't want to hear your failed relationship history. Just try to be more fairy-like, and less Christmas goblin?

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Pisces (19 Feb-20 Mar)

Christmas can often be a time of great emotion, Pisces, as can the beginning of a new year. We tend to ponder upon people we've loved and lost or resolutions that we haven't met for the 5th year running... but when you find yourself weeping frequently at the Christmas ads on telly, after seeing them repeatedly... I think you need to get your emotions in check. Go and find a mirror and give yourself a good talking to, crying drunkenly after too many glasses of wine - acceptable, weeping into your Christmas pud after seeing that penguin find his mate, not so much. Find some festive cheer and look forward to the year ahead of you, sing some sodding Christmas carols if you want. Just do something to discover the festive spirit and keep the Grinch buried deep inside!

 

 

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